Why I feel the Least like a Mother on Mother's Day

Howdy. So I promised a Mother's Day recap. 

Mother's Day always makes me laugh, and cry, because I hear about how real mothers are supposed to act, and I know I'm not quite there yet.

1. The women they celebrate have nothing in common with me. In my church on Sunday, children spoke about what makes mothers so darn great.

"Mothers help our garden grow."
me: I haven't touched dirt in years.

"Mothers keep our house clean."

me: Again, I haven't touched dirt in years.

"Mothers keep us fed."

me: Wait, that's my job?

"Mothers tuck us in at night."

me: Seriously, the kids won't go to bed unless it's Sam tucking them in.

"Mothers read to us."

me: This is just getting silly now. 

"Mothers fix our boo-boo's."

me: Yes! I am the band-aid queen of the world! Not only that, I drain pus. Where are the kids that say, "Mothers drain pus?" Because I have that one nailed. Boo-yah!

2. Because all mothers are gardeners, naturally, I can always count on getting at least 4 plastic cups full of dirt and some plant of unknown origin.

To make room for the new plants, I immediately clear out the window sill from the plants I got last year. (The ones from last year grew into a lemon tree and a rose bush. Just kidding, they're really piles of moldy dirt.)

I'm sure there are many mothers out there who know what to do with the plants, but my own mother taught me you put them in the window sill, close the shutter, and hope they don't grow vines that take over your house. (I already have one of those.)

3. But I have to admit, I do love the portraits of me. 

Sure, there's something strange going on with my teeth, (it's a little Moonraker)...

... but check out how skinny I am!

What are your Mother's Day traditions?