Yo Diggity, I quit Caffeine.


So, we have the winners of the De-Lurking contest. Congrats to Kent (of the naked-graduation-speech daydream. My personal favorite part- "Happy for the attention, uncomfortable in the breeze"). And to Jessica (of the "friend of a cousin, so practically family" variety).

Now for the signed copy of James Dashner's The 13th Reality contest:
If you have brought a recent follower to my blog, could you send me a reminder? Or leave it in the comments? And if you've sent me an email, and I haven't responded, it probably went to my spam folder. I don't know why. I answer emails, so if you didn't get an answer, resend it.

Ugh. That above paragraph was totally boring and repetitive. I know, I'm falling asleep too. Maybe I'll spice it up a bit before I hit "Publish Post." Of course, if the preceding sentence makes it, then that means I failed to spice it up.

Sheesh- I'm only four paragraphs in, and I've probably lost all my new followers. Sorry. I vow, from this moment forward, because I owe it to you, and because you have come to have certain expectations of this blog, I will never, ever, ever... umm... lose my train of thought. Ever again.

Where was I? Oh yeah. Shaking my head at the computer screen, thinking this is like the worst post ever. Did I mention I quit caffeine this week? I'm using the patch. Isn't it amazing that it hasn't affected my blogging whatsoever? Why is my keyboard shaking?

Side Effects of quitting caffeine so far:

1. My head hurts.
2. The sun is evil.
2. Non-caffeine induced migraines are just as bad as the caffeine induced ones.
3. I'm full of rage, but I'm too tired to do anything about it.

Okay, time for the actual real post to begin.

Probably because I quit caffeine.

1. Hubby goes around, mumbling under his breath, "Yo Diggity, yo diggity, yo diggity."

Now, if you've ever seen my husband, you know there's no one whiter, or less hip. (It's okay, because those were the two things on my "must-have list" when I was looking for a man. #1 Pale. #2 Awkward.)

But if he says "yo diggity" one more time, I swear, I'm gonna blog about it. Sam, consider this your fair warning. One more time, and it's out there, on the Internetz, for everyone to read.

2. Every time I try to say the word "version" it always comes out "virgin". It's now to the point where I don't even know which one is correct anymore.

Like when I'm discussing my latest book's first and second drafts, I'll say, "Oh, I took that part out. That was in a previous. . . [pause to make sure I get the word right]. . . virgin." Extra emphasis on what I think is the correct word.

Conversely, when someone says something like, "Windows version 2.0," I give a little giggle, like he said a naughty word. (All you tech-heads out there, don't you dare correct me that such a Windows version doesn't even exist.)

3. When I Google my name (everyone does that, right?) these references inevitably come up:

Sphere | Illegal sex acts throughout the United States | UWIRE ...
4 days ago ago from Brodi Ashton. When Sam first started going over to Pakistan, I was very jealous to say the least. To him, it was all part of the job. ...

Everything about bladder lift surgery - Yahoo! Glue
Brodi Ashton: Bladder Enhancements. me: "How did you fix it?" W: "I had a bladder lift." I know what you're thinking, but she's completely serious! ...

Flatulance - Wellsphere
Feb 24, 2009 ... Brodi Ashton: BRAIN FLATULANCE...
stanford.wellsphere.com/wellmix360/flatulance - 58k - Cached - Similar pages -

So, I guess my blog posts offer great insight on Prostitution, Bladders and Farts (sorry, readers, for the crass word. Perhaps "Freddies" would be better. Or "Toots". Or, as my mother used to call them, "bunny burps". Yes, it messed me up as a child.)


Coming up on Monday, the answers to our blog's first author interview. (Those of you new to the blog, we came up with questions to ask an author).

Sydney Salter, author of My Big Nose and Other Natural Disasters, has answered all of our burning questions. I will post the answers on Monday's blog. Unless she reads this post, and decides she'd rather not be associated.

Enjoy your weekend. Anyone got any special plans? I'm off to see that new Trek movie Saturday night. Sam's making me go. I so don't care about seeing it. Oh well. I'd do anything for that non-hip little white man.

Live long and prosper.

Since it's Friday, enjoy the famous line from Snakes on a Plane: the TV edit. See if you can catch the M*** F*** substitutions. Awesome.