critter corner: September 2010

In Which I Answer the Burning Questions about My Book Deal

Big News!! My Book is going to be an Actual Book!

I walked outside my house this morning, just to make sure, and yep. I was right. Hell had not frozen over.

I glanced over at my neighbors house, and nope, cats and dogs weren't living together.

As a final courtesy, I turned around in front of a full length mirror. And nope. Monkeys were not flying out of my bum.

Apparently I can get a book published before all of these things happen. Which brings me to my news...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did you get that? If you read between the lines, it says:

HARPER COLLINS (Balzer & Bray imprint) BOUGHT MY BOOK!!!!!!!!!!

Not only that, they bought THREE BOOKS!!!!!

As in, A TRILOGY!!!!!!!

Here's the announcement in Publishers Weekly:

Agent Michael Bourret at Dystel & Goderich closed a three-book deal with Kristin Daly at Balzer + Bray, selling North American rights in a pre-empt for a YA paranormal romance by debut author Brodi Ashton. The first book in the deal, The Ever'neath, is partially based on the Greek myth of Persephone: a 17-year-old who's been banished to the underworld escapes to her former earthly existence with her family and boyfriend. The catch is that she only has six months in the real world before being sent back to Hades, this time forever. Book one is tentatively scheduled for winter 2012.

Here's how it all went down (which makes it sound like something out of The Godfather, but it's totally not):

1. Michael invited representatives from the heads of the main publishing families to read the manuscript. They got it on a Monday.

2. After a day and a half, I sent a crazy-a** email to Michael, titled "I'm a Patient Person" and then explaining all the many ways I'm not a patient person, and asking why we hadn't heard anything.

I felt like Jane Austen's Emma, constantly checking her mailbox and exclaiming, "Why do they not write?!!"

3. Michael sent me an email, saying, "It hasn't even been 48 hours yet. Stop sending me missives*."

*Disclaimer: I don't know if he actually used the word "missives". It just seemed appropriate.

4. Shortly after Michael sent that email, he called me and took it all back. Apparently 48 hours is exactly long enough for Balzer & Bray to send us an offer we couldn't refuse.

So I told Michael, "Leave the gun, take the cannoli" because every good offer comes with a large container of cannoli.

I kissed Michael's ring, and then he was off to accept the deal.

I still can't believe it all finally happened, and I recognize there are so many little outside factors that helped me get to this point. So many people to thank, but for now, I want to thank all of you blog readers. Yes, you. And you. I love everyone!!!

Kid C and the Case of the Missing Homework

How Many Fumbles does it take to Break an iPhone? And Thank Goodness for Sisters

My Favorite Book, the Herriman Fire, and the Best Birthday Ever

Happy Monday.

Here's today's question from FOB (Friend of the Blog) Lulabell:

Q: What is the most meaningful book you have ever read? How did it affect your life?

Well, I'm going to discount religious books, because it's my blog and I can do what I want. And I can't pick just one book, because that would be crazy. Among my favorites:

Dracula (taught me that classic books can actually be good)

The Sky is Everywhere (taught me that maybe I do like poetry)

The Absolutely True Story of a Part-Time Indian (Because remember when Sherman Alexie remembered my name?)

But the one that really started my love affair with reading and writing is: Fried Green Tomatoes.

I've read it probably a million times, and I even adopted it's time-shifting storytelling into my book. When I was younger, I tried to change my name to "Towanda".

On to the blog.

Here's what's going on:

1. The Herriman fire continues to burn.

I'm across the valley, but I have a lot of friends and family in the evacuation area, and I'm sending virtual hugs their way. (Side note: virtual hugs are not as soft as real hugs, what with the electrical shock and all).

My bff Sheree and her kids are bunking at her family's home, and the cat that I gave her is safe. Repeat, the cat I gave her is safe. Nothing destroys that cat.

How bout y'all? Everyone out there okay?

2. Thank you for all the birthday wishes.

The big day came in like a lion and went out like a lamb. I have to admit it was my best birthday ever, even beating out my 8th birthday where I got to go to Brigham Young's house and make taffy and celebrate my polygamous heritage. I mean, my pioneer heritage.

-Sam took me to Benihana, where our Chef was named "Kurt" and he dropped an egg.

-Friends brought me treats. Chocolate bars, home-made pumpkin and chocolate chip muffins, sugar cookies with yellow frosting, caramels, Munchoes potato chips (available only in the finest gas stations) and Diet Coke.

-My mother-in-law made Fried Green Tomatoes for Sunday dinner.

-My sister-in-law gave me an entire homemade cheesecake.

That takes care of breakfast, lunch and dinner.

So, really, I guess for my birthday I received... FIVE EXTRA POUNDS! Which is what I've always wanted.

How was everyone else's birthday weekend?

If You're Going to Write, You're Going to have to Learn how to Wait. Here's How I Do It:

Cosmic Good Fortune... and My Plan to get in on that Action

How I Put My Pants On, and How I'm made up of Two Parts Lazy.

Happy Monday Y'all!

Today is an exciting day for many reasons, not the least of which is the Men's finals match at the U.S. Open, starring Novac Djokovic and my boyfriend, Rafa.

Rafa has never won the U.S. Open. It's so exciting. It's on CBS at 4:00 EST.

Our question of the day comes from Debbie:

Q: Do you, honestly, put on your pants one leg at a time?

Excellent question Debbie. The answer is, I don't use my legs at all. I dive head first into my pants, and then because I have a double-jointed pinkie finger, I'm able to finagle the pants down my body, to where they rest comfortably below my love handles.

Thank you for asking!

Thing #1*

I was walking through the kitchen this morning, when I tripped over Sam's backpack. (The one that rides in the baby seat of his bike.)

It was a pretty good stumble, but I recovered and continued on. Sam watched the whole thing with a curious expression.

Sam (laughing): "I can't believe you just tripped over that, and then left it there."

me: "It's your backpack."

Sam: "Yeah, but you just tripped over it! You'd leave it there for someone else to trip over?"

me: "No, you originally left it there for someone to trip over. If you want people to stop tripping, move it. Otherwise, I have to assume there's a reason it's in the middle of the floor, and all of these injuries will be on your head."

He looked at me like he couldn't believe how stubborn one wife could be. But it's not a matter of being stubborn. I think it's more 2 parts Lazy (because let's be honest, I could've moved it), and 1 part Clueless. Okay, and just a dash of Stubborn.

Clueless in the same way as when I see a toddler in the middle of the road, and I think, "Huh. A toddler in the street. Someone obviously wanted it that way. Somebody's obviously okay with what is happening."

I've spent years re-training my brain to do something about it, and now I can happily say that when I see a toddler in the street, it only takes me a few minutes to come to the conclusion I should do something about it.

So what about y'all? Would you have moved the backpack? Or would you expect Sam to move it, and apologize? Or, if you don't want to weigh in, how was your weekend? *This was not the original blog, but I wanted to send Sam a message. Zing!

Kid C Discovers there is a "One Size Fits All" Sure Way to Publication

Yay for Friday! And Yay for the end of the legendary summer "lull" in publishing.

Thanks for all y'all's questions the other day. I've compiled an incredible list of stellar questions, the answers to which might one day save the world. They're that good.

So, let's start with the first question, asked by F.O.B. (friend of the blog) Jenni Elyse.

Q: What is the most number of times you've said boobies or something to do with boobies in one day?

Great question, Jenni. Many of you know how often I, and my fellow critique group cohorts, find the word "boobies" popping up in conversation. So much so that we've instituted a rule that every time someone says the word, that person owes a quarter to the booby jar.

Although I have never actually documented how many times it's been said in one day, I will say that we have enough money in the booby jar to buy a cow for a village in sub-saharan Africa. Boobies for a good cause! (And now I owe 3 quarters to the booby jar. Make that 4.)

Now if we could just earn enough to cover the shipping.

On to the blog:

Kid C came home from school the other day with the answer to getting your fairytale published. Contrary to popular belief, there is an easy road to publication, and I'm about to share it with you. Don't tell anyone, K?

So, once you've finished your fairytale, and you've made sure the "setting, characters, and events are imaginary", and you've checked to see that your "words help the reader visualize what is happening", and you've "spelled your name right", you can move on to the easiest part of the process:

The Preparation for Publication. (It's easy because it's only three steps.)

Step 1: Give your fairy tale a title. Remember to underline your title.

Check!!

Step 2: Write or type a neat copy.

Check check!! (I went the extra mile and typed it in a Word document)

Step 3: Include a drawing of an important character or event from your fairy tale.

As Michael Bourret can attest, in addition to the boring old query, I also sent him a hand drawn depiction of my book.

If he was on the fence at first, I'm pretty sure my illustration sealed the deal.

What's everyone doing this weekend? Do you like my art work? And ask me more questions anytime!

The Latest Cause I Have Chosen to Support... And Ask me Anything!

Hey Y'all.

I thought it'd be fun to answer some of your questions at the top of some of the blogs. Feel free to ask me anything! It can be about writing, querying, revising, Rafa, pancreatic cancer, holes in hearts, my deodorant preference... anything. And if I don't know the answer, I'll find someone who does.

So anytime you want to participate, leave a question in the comments section, and I'll collect them.

I'll start with a question from my neighbor:

QUESTION ONE

Neighbor: Why do you always use the word "y'all"? You're not southern.

Well, neighbor, it's simple. I have a deep and abiding love for the Southern plural possessive.

Example of plural possessive in action: "What are all y'all's plans for the weekend?"

I first heard the Southern plural possessive when I met my friend Raina (Ethel) from Louisiana, and it's been true love ever since.

ON TO THE BLOG

My brother-in-law recently commented on the number of wristbands out there, proclaiming the latest cause.

It's gone from this:

...to Autism Awareness to "I Heart Boobies" (breast cancer awareness)

We totally want in on that action. In picking our cause, we discussed many options:

RAISE AWARENESS OF RAFA'S CALF MUSCLES

(His arms get all the attention)

CURE EXCESSIVE SALIVA PRODUCTION IN CANINES

However, eventually we decided on a cause that is near and dear to our hearts, and affects more people per year than constipation.

How many of us have had Ugly touch our lives? Are you ugly, or do you know someone who is?

Now, this was not inspired by anyone in particular, especially not the man I saw the other day outside of the grocery store. Or that one baby who obliterated the old adage "All babies are beautiful."

There are no screening tests for Ugly. There are no risk factors (although there is something to be said for heredity). Ugly can hit anywhere, anytime.

As a side note, if Ugly hits you unexpectedly, and it's an emergency, it's okay to call 9-1-1.

Let us take a note out of Spain's book. That country has obviously found the answer to Ugly, judging by their men's Davis Cup Tennis team.

(Spain's Tennis Elite: laughing at how handsome they are)

Remember: There are no ugly people. Only Ugly faces. And bodies.

We'll discuss how to recognize the symptoms of Ugly on Friday. So, how was all y'all's holiday weekend? Do you have any questions for me? Do you have any causes you'd like to highlight? Do you have any personal stories involving Ugly?

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