critter corner: May 2011

Thing #1 and Thing #1, and vote on if my Behavior makes me a Stalker

Revealing my Obsessions for New Followers... and I'm going to New York

Okay, I admit it. I forgot today was Wednesday.

Here's the thing: I went to breakfast with some friends this morning, and I never go to breakfast on Wednesdays. It totally threw me off.

I feel like that one lady in Emma- Miss Bates - when she gets a letter from Jane Fairfax on a Thursday, and she can't stop talking about it because Jane usually writes on a Tuesday, and today is Thursday, but yet she got a letter, even though it's Tuesday, and can you believe it?

I guess I'm a creature of habit. So, here are two things I'm working on:

1. Anyone in the Big Apple?

I'm leaving for New York City on Saturday, and I have nothing to wear. Not in the way that normal people have "nothing to wear", where they're skimming through clothes in their closet and thinking how old everything is.

I literally have nothing to wear. I went pantsless today, and it's wasn't pretty. And I'd hate to go naked in New York. I've heard the city is very progressive, but that might be pushing the envelope a little too far.

Emily Wing Smith is giving a reading of her book, with a bunch of other authors on June 1st, somewhere in NYC, so if you're in the area and you want to meet up, you can come! I have no details yet, but I do know it's June 1st. I'll have deets on Friday.

2. Ohmyheck, I already forgot what number 2 was.

Seriously! I remembered at the top of the post, but now, nothing. What is my problem? Answer me!!!

Let's see...

I went to breakfast. Did I mention how that threw my day off?

Yes.

Hmmm...

I don't know. So, I'll go to my go-to subject when I'm at a loss. My undercover lover. And by "undercover" I mean "In my dreams" and by "lover" I mean I watch him on the telly a lot.

Yes, Rafa Nadal is number one, and he's playing in the French Open for the next couple of weeks. On ESPN 2 if you're interested. I have a lot of new followers lately, and now might be the time to warn you all that a third of my posts usually have something to do with Rafa.

Or his arms.

Or his left ab, second from the top.

... and the hip dents.

But I only talk about him during the ATP tennis tour, which is only 11.5 months out of the year.

Another third of my posts are about how much I love my agent, Michael Bourret.

The final third is about my love of Diet Coke. Why does anyone read this blog? I suck.

Where was I? Oh great. Now I'm totally lost. Did I talk about my breakfast this morning?

Maybe I should trash this post and start fresh on Friday.

Trash or Publish, Publish or Trash, Trash or-

Answering the Number One Question I get Asked, and a Peek into my Writing Space

It's time to play the...

GUESS WHAT I NEGLECT game!

Where I take you through my writing day, and you get to guess which priorities get neglected around here.

This game was inspired by the number of times I get asked, "How do you find time to be a mom and a writer?"

Also brought to you by, "I could write a book, but I don't have the free time you obviously do."

And my favorite: "I'd write a book, but I love my kids."

Okay, nobody really said that last one, but sometimes it feels like it.

I'm sure you've all heard writers say they are as busy as the next guy, and it's true. So I'll take you on a tour of my writing day.

Here's my writing space:

I come here whenever I get a chance. There are three things I need on my desk in order to really have the most productive writing block (not to be confused with "writer's block":

The Bread of Life.

Water, Diet Coke, Tea, and honey for the tea.

Yes, I pee a lot. But that gives me a good break.

I try to make everything convenient. If I need another Diet Coke, I simply walk out to my front porch.


A place for everything, and everything in its place. The Diet Coke's place is on the front porch. Next to the car seat. Under the caulking gun.

If I need something to eat, like a leftover roll, I look under the coffee table.

Who needs a pantry?

If I need something to wear, I look on the kitchen floor, and check to see if they're dry yet.

There really is method to the madness. They're drying in the sunlight.

I like to keep weapons accessible. If I need to act out a fight scene, I simply grab the light saber next to the chair:

... or the sword next to the other chair:

...and for the really emotional scenes, I choose the Scythe of Death on the kitchen bar stool:

If Kid C asks me where he can find a clean shirt, I (exasperatedly) tell him to look where they always are... on certain Tuesdays of the month... when the moon is just right: folded and neatly put away in a large pile next to the banister.

That space is dedicated space.

And if friends come over, I escort them to the one room of the house that is generally clean. The kitchen.

I don't like to be distracted while I'm eating. So there's only one computer and one television in the kitchen.

Sure there are all those clothes on the floor, but they are in really neat piles. The reason my kitchen is so clean (relatively, I know) is because I made a vow a long time ago that the kitchen is too beautiful to mess it up with my lame attempts at cooking.

Now for the crux of the game: Can you guess how I find time to write? Can you GUESS WHAT I NEGLECT?

I heard a quote over the weekend: "Balance comes when you neglect a little bit of everything."

I can't remember who said it. I was too busy writing. But it's very true. I neglect a little bit of everything, but a lot of a certain thing. You probably know what that certain thing is.

What about all y'all? How do you find balance? And was anyone a little disappointed that the Rapture didn't happen? Or maybe it did, and y'all are gone now...I miss you already.

The End of Days... and the End of Everneath 2. What Would Your Last Line Look Like?

The German Cover for my Book... Maybe. Or Maybe Not. Sprechen sie deutsche?

In Which we see Thor, and Sam Learns to Appreciate the Male Form

Ask Me Anything Day! Because I'm Tired of being Stumped by Kid C

A Flash Forward to the Future for Kid B, and Why I Cried Yesterday

Sweating out a Sequel: Sometimes your MC gives you the Bird

Howdy, y'all. Remember, tomorrow is the deadline for those of you who joined in the Chimichanga Challenge. I am currently at just over 22,000 words for my sequel. I don't think I'm going to make it to 40,000 by tomorrow, but that's okay. It's a heckuva lot more than I would have written otherwise!The truth is, I'm feeling a little bit of deadline pressure. The end of school for my kids -- and therefore, the end of free writing days -- is looming like a dark bulbous cloud over the horizon. I think my stress is manifesting itself in my writing. Currently, in my sequel, I'm stuck in this one scene where the three main characters are sitting around, staring blankly, with nothing to say to each other.I've been on this scene for a few days now. Once, a famous writer said, if you're stuck, put your main character up in a tree, and have the others throw rocks at her. I tried that. But the others couldn't be bothered to go searching for rocks, and my Main Character just built herself a hammock in that tree, and is now taking a leisurely snooze. I'm at that 22,000 word mark, which is the notorious Point-o-Desperation for the writer. I have thoughts like:-I'm never going to finish. Books are really really long! Maybe the sequel could be told better in picture-book form. -My characters are protesting the lack of progression at this point. They are building hammocks in trees and refusing to cooperate.-How did I ever finish a book in the first place?-I'll never be able to finish a book again. That first one was a fluke. It basically wrote itself. (I liken this notion to having a baby, and when looking back on it, forgetting how much it really hurts.)-I think my MC just gave me the bird.I'm too easily distracted...-That wall looks smudgy. Maybe I should clean all the walls.-It's raining. I long to feel the rain on my face! Time to go outside... Oh wait. It's sunny. I long to feel the sun on my face! Time to go outside.... Lightning? It's been a while since I've been struck by it. Maybe I'll venture outside.-Oh yay! The Mailman's here! So long, suckahs!-Meet you for lunch? Sure! I'd never turn down lunch. Even writers have to eat, right? -Two lunches? In one day? I'm in!-Watching Dr. Who isn't procrastinating. It's research. -I have to blog first. I can't let my blog readers down. They depend on me!-It's been years since I've picked my nose. I wonder what's been going on in there? I better find out...Yeah, any distraction will do. So I'm making a promise, here and now. I will not be distracted any more. I will not let these things get in the way of writing. I will throw my own rocks at my MC, no matter how many times she flips me off. I will not go to lunch more than four times a week. Most of all, I will finish this book before June 4. If I don't, you can stick me in a tree and take turns throwing rocks at me. Thanks for listening.

A List! Including: My New Car, Where Comfort is an Option... And Sam Destroys the Indestructible Miracle Blade

Hey y'all!

Happy Friday.

First off, Chersti Nieveen interviewed me on her blog for Utah Author's Month. Please go visit, and leave a comment! I don't want her viewership to go down just because I'm on there.

For today, a list!

1. So, I finally bought a new car. The best thing about it? The car has a special - nay, magical - button. Check it out.

Yep. That there is a "comfort" button.

Has there ever been anything so wonderful?

I want to know how this button came about. Were the car makers all, "Let's be the first guys to make 'comfort' an option. Not mandatory. We'll be rich!"

When I first got in the car to test drive it, the button was not depressed. I had to wonder, who wouldn't press the button? Maybe someone who had it all, and was like, "I want to see how the uncomfortable people live. Jeeves! Un-press the button!"

There are definitely times I get in the car, and I think to myself, "You know, life has been a little easy lately. Comfort, off!"

Sometimes I threaten the kids: "Stop fighting, or you know that comfort you've been enjoying? Consider it gone!"

2. It's Mother's Day this weekend. Time for really bad art from my kids.

Here's a preview: Kid C made a card for me, and drew a picture of the two of us together.

Me, Kid C

Emily Wing Smith was right- I do look the same in every picture. Kid C definitely gets his drawing skills from me. Lately, he's been asking if he can illustrate my next book.

Judging from this picture, that would be totally awesome.

3. The other day, Sam was baking buffalo wings, and when he removed the tray from the oven, underneath the tin foil he found this:

That would be our kitchen scissors and a steak knife, melted together, and flat as a crepe.

I sent the picture to Miracle Blade, along with the note, "I thought your knives were supposed to be indestructible, but apparently they can't withstand 450 degrees for 15-18 minutes. Put that in your infomercial!"

I want to know how Sam took the cookie sheet out of the cupboard, put the knife and scissors on top of it, then placed a sheet of tin foil over the whole thing, and then put two rows of frozen buffalo wings on top of that... and didn't notice!

It's not like they blended in with the background. You really can't get more neon-red than those scissors. And when he was carefully placing the wings on top, was there ever a moment where he thought, "Hey, the wings seem to be pooling on either side of this giant bump in the middle. That's weird."

It's probably an air bubble.

Oh, nope. It's scissors and a steak knife.

So, what are y'all up to this weekend? Any special Mother's Day plans? Have you commented on Chersti's blog? Anyone else ever bake a pair of scissors with a side of steak knife?

When you can't write, just type... and Favorite Lines from the sequel to EVERNEATH

Hey y'all. It's time for a...Chimichanga Challenge Update:Team Tamale: 11,845 words (out of 40,000)Team Gluten-Intolerant: Disneyland (out of 40,000)Yep, Bree Despain is in Disneyland. So let me just say right now, what were we smoking when we said 40,000 words?But the contest has kick-started me into the second book. Most authors I know warned me that writing a second book, under contract, under deadline, would be much harder than writing the first.Now I know what they mean. This second book has been the naughty child. It's shy, stubborn, and it gives me the silent treatment. I kept trying to coax the story out of its bedroom, but most of these attempts ended in a door slammed in my face.So I sort of just ignored it. But here's something I learned... something we should print on a bumper sticker or something:The book won't get written if you ignore it.Catchy, isn't it? Even more simply put: It won't get written if you don't write it.I know it seems obvious, but it's so easy to forget. If you're like me, you like for your inspiration to hit first, and then the writing comes. But sometimes, you have to write first.And that's when the writing can be painful... like I have to quite literally take my hand, shove it up my nose, dig around in my brain for the right words, and then yank them out, covered in cerebral goo.Sometimes you have to forget about the writing and focus on the typing. Just type. Type as many words as you can in an hour.And through this random typing, I discovered a few scenes I wasn't expecting. I love these scenes. But it took a lot of bad typing, and bad words, to get there.Just for fun, I thought I'd share some of my favorite lines from EVERNEATH 2. I know they are out of context, but hopefully you'll enjoy them. (I shared a few on Twitter last week)."Aren’t you the least bit curious about how I got you into bed last night?"“You haven’t changed a bit. No 'how do you do?' no talk of the weather. Just a good swift kick to the groin.”"I couldn't help but notice you confiscated a clump of my hair last night.""What was your first clue?""The ripping pain at my temple.""Sorry, but the vomit spewing from your mouth drowned out that last word. What were you going to do?"

"I hope you realize, if you forget him... he WILL die. You know this, right? Tell me you know this."

Okay, I don't know if those will even be interesting when they're so out of context. Most of them are spoken by the same character. (A character I have grown to love. Obsessively).

If you're ever stuck on writing, try typing. I promise it will get better.

What do y'all do when you're stuck? And do you like the lines? And if you're in the Chimichanga Challenge, what's your word count?

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