Happy December 8th everyone! Or should I say, Happy 8th day into America's War on Christmas!
(It may look peaceful, but trust me, the storm's brewing.
From what I gather watching the news reports, Christmas controls 60% of the territory, but "Holidays" is making a north-westerly assault on the Christmas stronghold of "Kids will never surrender Santa Claus, so bite me Holidays!"
That skirmish began when Holidays used a name change from "The Christmas Parade" to "The Holiday Parade" as a diversion tactic so it could attack from behind using the "Don't you know the Christmas traditions of mistletoe and holly and yule logs have their origins in paganism? You're pagans! Zing!" strategy.
They momentarily considered a cease-fire for the month of December, but then they realized that would eat up all of their prime fighting time. Looks like no one's going home to their families this season.
The battle culminated when Holidays came up with a catchy little ditty: "Go Christmas, Go Hanukkah, Go Kwanzaa, Go solstice... go Christmas, go Hanukkah, go whatever holiday you Wannakuh"
To which Christmas replied "I'll go all Wannakuh on your butt!"
I do not make light of this war. My Uncle was wounded by a stray pinecone. He hasn't been the same since. He wanders around the house, muttering, "I wanna Wannakuh, I wanna Wannakuh."
The collateral damage of war.
