A Breakfast Mishap at SCBWI, and How I'm Planning on Getting to Heaven

So, during SCBWI in L.A., I went to breakfast with Emily Wing Smith and He Who Shall Not Be Mentioned on the Blog (Matt Kirby). I ordered french toast, and when it was delivered to my table, next to it was a giant slab of the most delicious butter I'd ever tasted. 
(Not the actual french toast, but it looked a lot like this)

I spread the butter on the toast, and finished it off. Then I was left with half the butter and my side of potatoes, and all I could think about was how much I wanted to just spoon the butter into my mouth.

But I didn't want to look silly. Especially since I was in the middle of explaining to Matt and Emily how Heaven could possibly be accessible through a wormhole. 

I figured it wouldn't look gluttonous if I used my potato chunks to scoop up the butter, since butter and potatoes are supposed to go together anyway. Matt Kirby still gave me a strange look.

I was about halfway through the schlob of butter, and just reaching the climax of my theory that angels are really aliens, when Matt interrupted me and asked, "What do you think that is you're eating?" 

I paused, fork mid-mouth. "Butter."

"Um, no. It's whipped cream. I've been wondering why you're dipping your potatoes in it."

me: "Well, I didn't want to look stupid."
He gave me a look that said Mission Not Accomplished.

I examined the fork, with the chunk of potatoes topped with a dollop of whipped cream. "Now that I know it's whipped cream, I'll just spoon it directly into my mouth, and bypass the middle-man potato."

After Matt was done laughing (which was quite some time later) I said, "This doesn't discount my theory of the existence of ancient alien astronauts."

Are you wondering what got me thinking about all this sy-fy stuff? Well, what do you say when your seven-year-old asks how you get to heaven? Literally?

Talk about this stuff long enough, and he'll eventually stop asking questions.

And has time officially stood still in August?