Clowns and Zombies, to Brighten any Monday

Happy Monday Y'all.

My kids have the day off of school. Again. Using my trusty tweezers, turkey baster and paperclip, I plan on going all MacGyver on their bums by escaping my house on a zipline that will take me directly to the Magic Kingdom.

Or maybe we'll just go to McDonald's.

1. I received plenty of books for my birthday, and gift cards to B&N. But these two books made me laugh because of how the givers made their decisions.

Emily Wing Smith gave me "Little Brother". She knew it was for me, because one of the blurbs says it's "a rousing tale of techno-geek rebellion."

Sis-in-law E gave me "Z.E.O. A Zombie's Guide to Getting A(Head) in Business". She said it was between that and "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies."

I guess I'm easily characterized. Brodi Ashton. Zombie Geek.

2. I never scream during movies.

But last Friday, Sam and I went to see a zombie movie. Yes, there were plenty of zombie surprises of the sort where the main character closes the mirror and the zombie's face pops up. None of those moments scared me enough to elicit a scream.

I didn't scream until something even scarier popped up in the bathroom: a clown. Underneath the stall door. I screamed bloody murder, and everyone in the theater had a good laugh at my expense. (It was a zombie flick, so I'm guessing 95% of the room were adolescent to middle aged males. The other 5% were me.)

I know it's almost become cliche to joke about how clowns are scary, especially to those of us traumatized as children by Stephen King's "IT" clown. But I really do think clowns are about the creepiest things around.

And when they're not creepy, they're sad.

A couple weeks ago, we went to a friend's work party. It was supposed to be kid-friendly, but whoever was in charge obviously had never met any kids, because they hired a clown. A poor, sad, neon-haired Hobo (Hobo homeless, not hobo spider) clown. He could frown even through his painted on smile.

His face art included tears, I think mostly to blend in with the real ones.

I had to bribe Kid C to go up and pet the duck.

Recently, blog friends Cath and Grace, on separate occasions, mentioned the quote from Ralph Waldo Emmerson: "Always do what you are afraid to do."

A good piece of advice. But I can't help answering in my head, "Guess it's time for me to go date a clown."

3. Wanna party?
James Dashner is inviting everyone to the launch party for his book The Maze Runner. If you are near Salt Lake City, go to The King's English tomorrow (Tuesday) at 5:00 p.m. James thinks that because of the time, no one's going to go. So let's show him that at 5 on a Tuesday in Salt Lake City, there's really nothing better going on.

If you go, be sure to find me and say hi.