Thing #1 and Thing #1: the Jacob and Esau of Tomato Plants, and the Hairy Beast I met

Hey y'all. 

Before we get to the post, I'd like you to know EVERNEATH has a Facebook page! It's here: www.facebook.com/everneath

So, if you feel inclined, please stop on by and "like" the heck out of it. :)

And now, it's time for...

Thing #1 and Thing #1!

Thing #1

If tomato plants can ever be described as "crazy", this is the time.

Both of my tomato plants were planted at the same time, in similar pots, with similar soil, and equal water/sun exposure.

Yet look at them:

One of these plants is not like the other...

How does this happen?

Now, I could relate this to the publishing world (why does one story get published and another doesn't?) or the parenting world (why does one kid in the same gene pool and the same environment have issues and the other one doesn't?) but today, I'm thinking... they're just tomato plants.

Maybe there is no higher meaning.

Like any respectable ancient civilization, we took the weaker plant and sacrificed it to the gods by hurling it off a cliff, and yelling, "Only the strong survive! Viva la strong plants!"

Thing #1

This next one is indeed a THING. The other day, my cousins and I took our kids to the "This is the Place" Heritage Park.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the vernacular, "This is the Place" Heritage Park is so named because when Brigham Young arrived in the Salt Lake Valley with the pioneers, he said, "Let's make this a really long pit stop!"

The park is a mini-pioneer village, and it is filled with mini-pioneers. It is a place stuck in time, where traditional chores are valued...

Here you see two swarthy men performing the daily task of "Breaking Stick"

... Child Labor Laws are scarce...

"Mush, Tommy. MUSH!!"

... And the people are much larger than usual...

Here, we see giants riding an actual pioneer train.

We also caught a glimpse of one of the strangest animals I've ever seen:

It's kind of a mix of a cow and a horse. So, it's a "Corse", of course... or a "How". Either way, it's a hairy beast. 

What about y'all? Anyone doing anything fun for the holiday? Anyone know what this animal is? Anyone else worried that they've relaxed the restrictions on aerial fireworks, which basically means they've put surface-to-air missiles in the hands of thousands of 8-year-olds?

Have a great weekend!

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Thing #1 and Thing #1, and vote on if my Behavior makes me a Stalker

Hey y'all!


Just a Friday quickie of Thing #1 and Thing #1 before my big New York trip:

Thing #1


Are you going to be in the NYC area next week? 


BFACP (Best Friend and Critique Partner) Emily Wing Smith is participating in a Teen Author Reading Night on June 1st.


Here are the details:
Date: June 1, 2011
Place: Mulberry Street Branch of the New York Public Library (Corner of Mulberry and Jersey)
Time: 6-7:30


If you're in the area, please come! Everyone is welcome. I'll be there too, so come and say hi. Bree Despain (author of The Dark Divine) will be there too.  


Thing #2


I still think about my major high school crushes. Not in a "Man, I'd love to trade up, and I wonder what he's up to" kind of way, but more in a "Who did he marry? Where does he live? Is he successful? Is Sam more successful? (kidding)" 


And my biggest crush from high school isn't on Facebook. He's not on Twitter. I don't even know if he's married, where he lives, what he does. This is driving me crazy! Not "so Crazy I can't sleep at night" but more in a "Once a month, when I check Facebook, it would be convenient if he were on there..."


So, here's the vote. Does this sort of behavior make me:


A: So totally normal. Everyone remembers their high school crushes. That's why we love to read Y.A.


or

B: Stalker. To the nth degree. Give me his name so I can warn him now not to leave his pet rabbit alone in the back yard. 

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My Trip with Doctor Who, and How a Small Child was Maimed at the Book Blogger Social

Happy Monday y'all.


How about some Thing 1 and Thing 1!

Thing 1:
Doctor Who visited me in my sleep last night. For those of you who don't know, Doctor Who is a time-travelling man/alien who saves the world a lot. 

Dr. Who and Rose. They made me cry a lot.

Last night, I dreamed I got to go on one of his exciting adventures.  Where would we end up? Ancient Rome? Shakespearean London? Or... a thousand years into the future? 


No. He took me to 1989 to see the filming of that Patrick Swayze classic Roadhouse. You know, the one where Swayze plays a tough bouncer hired to straighten out a dirty bar? 

It's his way... or the highway.

Yeah, I wasn't familiar with this movie either. I have no idea where it was hiding out in my sub conscience.


Before you ask, no, I didn't get to see Mr. Swayze utter his most famous lines:


"Pain don't hurt."


and


"Nobody ever wins a fight."


and finally,


"My way... or the highway."


I asked the Doctor what we were doing here, and he looked at me like, "Duh, it's your dream. Isn't that a question for your therapist?"


I'm inclined to agree with him. 

Nobody ever "wins" a fight! Except the last guy standing...

Thing 1:
We went to the Utah Bool Blogger Social Saturday night. Utah is home to a staggering amount of book bloggers, and twice a year they get together to party with the local authors.


And when I say party, I mean party. Want proof? Check out this candid pic:

Authors Matt Kirby, Bree Despain, and myself.
Photo taken by Heather Gardner Photography. 

This picture popped up on the internet after the party. I love it. Bree and I look thoroughly unimpressed, and Matt looks a little disgusted. 


I'm here to tell you, that was not representative of the evening! Heather has promised to give us a little more notice before she snaps a candid picture next time.


Overheard at the party:


-Emily Wing Smith and I, taking turns to see who could cough up a lung first. (I won)


-Bree and Emily, having a discussion that involved the phrases, "Who did you fork that one time?" 
It's not like it sounds. They have both had accidents where they nearly impaled a bystander with a fork. 


-Matt Kirby said afterward that the "Who did you fork" conversation would make my blog. He claims his blog-worthy-statements-detection-skills are running at about 98%.


-During the book swap, Chersti Nieveen trampled a small child to get her hands on Emily Wing Smith's ARC of BACK WHEN YOU WERE EASIER TO LOVE.


-She later swore the child was really the devil's spawn, and deserved to be trampled. 
Here's a picture of the unfortunate demon child:

Don't be fooled by her angelic disguise.

Here's a pic that better captures the spirit of the event.

Top: Matt Kirby, Bree Despain
Bottom: Chersti Nieveen, Emily Wing Smith, Leisha Maw

Because nothing screams "Party!" like Bree Despain wearing Princess Leia Buns made out of lightbulbs. 


So, what did y'all do over the weekend? Were you at the social? (If so, give a holla in the comments). Did you see any good movies? Did you trample any small children?

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Thing #1 and Thing #1: The Australian Open, Sam's Birthday, And what a Rafa Slam really looks like

Howdy y'all! Happy Martin Luther King Day. 

How about a quick... Thing #1 and Thing #1!

1. The Australian Open started today. 

Well, technically it started on Monday, Australia time, which is really Sunday our time. 

We always laugh at their logo. Nobody, not even Rafa, can strike that pose. That shaded man is very bendy.

And that's why the Australian Open is so brilliant... you can see the future. 15 hours ahead. And it looks like this:

The future looks bright. And clean. And apparently designed by a twelve-year-old.

Amazing what we can do with 15 hours!

Rafa will be going for his fourth consecutive grand slam title, a feat that hasn't been accomplished... since... dinosaurs walked the planet. You can take my knowledge of tennis facts to the bank!... of the East River and throw it in.

Rafa. He's comin' to getcha!

Some people are all caught up in saying, "Well, technically it's not a Grand Slam since the wins are not all in the same calendar year... but we'll just call it a Rafa Slam... but don't anyone think it's a Grand Slam."

I respond to these people by throwing bran muffins at their heads. When I hear "Rafa Slam", I picture this:

The Rafa Slam. I'm hungry!

By the way, Rafa doesn't care what anyone calls it. He lets the talking heads talk their heads off while he goes out and dominates the world of tennis.

So yeah, probably most of my posts will go from Revision-centered to Rafa-centered. And if this surprises you, you are probably a very new reader to the blog. Welcome! Don't be scared.

2. It's Sam's birthday today. 

This morning, the kids came into our bedroom and as usual demanded their breakfast rightnowican'twaiti'mdyingofstarvation. Sam didn't budge. For, like, 15 minutes. I was like, "Hello? What's going on here?"

That was my first clue he was feeling a little entitled.

So, let us all raise a pop tart, and toast my main squeeze. (Not Rafa). Happy Birthday Sam! May your days be filled with happiness, and your donuts be filled with jelly!

Feel free to wish him happy birthday in the comments! At the end of the day, I will put all the wishes together in a song, and sing it to him.

So, anyone else going to be watching the Aussie Open?

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Latest Conclusions about Revising, and Proof that the Revisions have gone to my Brain

Howdy y'all.

I'm neck-deep in working through my revision letter, or as I like to call it, my H-E-L-L. (Help Edit and Learn Letter).

The major conclusions I've reached from this round of revisions are as follows:

1. My high school boyfriend was right. I am a cold, frigid beeyatch who doesn't know how to express her (or her character's) feelings.

2. No matter how many "flinch"s you think you've deleted, your editor is sure to find 84 more.

3. I've tried, but there really is no appropriate time to insert a scene about loss of sphincter control. Looks like I'll have to wait for the next book.

So, before I dive back in, here is this week's Thing #1 and Thing #1

Thing #1

The other morning, as I'm still sleeping, Kid C comes rushing into my room.

Kid C: "Brodi, if you need me, I'll be brushing my teeth."

me (thinking I'm asleep, why would i need him?): "Okay great."

A few minutes later, he says, "If you need me, I'll be washing my hands."

me: "Fine."

A few minutes later: "If you need me, I'll be doing my hair."

Then I hear strange noises coming from the bathroom. I walk in and find he's plastered his hair with my conditioner that smells like apples. His entire head is covered in goo. And his carpool will be here any minute.

me: "What are you doing?!?!"

him: "Trying to make a mohawk. I have to look my best today."

So, I shoved his head under the sink, rinsed the gunk out, plastered his hair with hairspray and applied the blow dryer, and voila:

Kid C. Ready to impress his girl. Her name's Laurelyn, but he likes to call her "Love-a-lyn". 

Somebody help me.

Thing #1

I can tell revisions are getting to me, because Sam and I went to see a movie the other day, and as we walked out, we were checking the movie posters for upcoming shows we wanted to see.

I was all, "Ooooh. That one looks good." (pointing at one of the framed posters)

Sam: "Which one?"

me: "That one. With the zombie people. And the infection. That's so our type of show."

Sam gives me a really confused look. 

me: "Because we like zombie shows. And virus shows. And I think it's called Epidemic, but the title's hard to read... And... why are you looking at me like that?"

He points to the poster I was describing, and I take a closer look.

Whoops. Yeah, he didn't stop laughing for a long time. And then he took this picture, so I had to hurry and blog about it before he did a more embarrassing post on his own blog.

I know, I know. How could it be more embarrassing? 

Please tell me I'm not the only one who has moments like these.

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I Have a new Title... And Kid C Explains the Life and Death Consequences of Times Tables

It's time for...

Thing 1 and Thing 1!

Thing 1:

The title for my upcoming book has been officially changed from The Ever'neath to.... drum roll please... EVERNEATH!

You see how there's no "the" and no apostrophe? Also, there's no exclamation point. I just put that in there because I'm so excited I have an official title!

Not only that, but the new title means I've made up a word. (Okay, technically Bree Despain made up the word.) It's not an any dictionaries... yet. 

So, what do you think? Is this something you could get used to?

Thing 1:

In his second grade class, 7-year old Kid C has moved up from addition, to subtraction, and finally to multiplication. In order to pass off each level, the students have to finish a worksheet of problems in under 6 minutes.

Kid C was one of the first to reach multiplication, and he's been working his butt off to learn his times tables. The other night, it was time for bed, but he'd been practicing his worksheets and wanted to do more. 

I told him it was time to stop, because he had to get some sleep. He responded with, "What do you think this is, some sort of JOKE?!"

Apparently, second grade times tables are life and death. 

He then went on to say (and I hope I transcribed it all correctly):

"Mom, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns, who know their times tables. Who's gonna do it? You? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Math Skills, while time-consuming, probably saves lives. 

"You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on my times tables, you need me on my times tables. We use words like honor, code, loyalty, and multiplication. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. 

"I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a woman who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a pencil, and do a worksheet. Either way, I don't give a darn what time my bedtime is!"

Seriously, what are they teaching these kids?

SCBWI Conference

This weekend I'm going to the SCBWI conference in downtown Salt Lake City. Sydney puts on a great conference every year. And it was two years ago at this conference that I met my awesome writers' group, The SIX. 

Anyone else going?

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