How I Tought Kid C the Similarities between a Cruise Ship and a Naked Woman

Hey ya'll! 

So, we're going on a cruise in the distant future. I've never been on one. I'm so excited because this combines my fear of enclosed spaces with my fear of the open water for an exciting cocktail of crazy. 

Sam is very excited to see what wonderful sides of my personality this experience will bring out.

I was trying to explain to Kid C what a cruise ship will be like. 

me: "We're going to stay on a boat with like hundreds of other people!"

him: "That sounds crowded."

me: "But the boat is huge!"

him: "Where will we sleep?"

me: "In our own room. Like a hotel room. But it floats!"

him: "That doesn't sound very safe."

I glanced at the television guide, which happened to be showing TITANIC. Now before you think this can't turn out well, I also noted that the movie had just started, so there was no way it could be to the scary sinking part yet. 

So I'm all, "Kid C! Get over her. You are going to see what a cruise ship loos like."

I flip the channel, and front and center on the screen is this:

 Only it didn't cut off. It panned from left to right, showing the whole enchilada, if you know what I mean. Do you know what I mean? (boobs.)

So to poor kid C, I was all, "Watch the big screen, son. This is what a cruise is!!!" Cue naked woman! "There. Does that clear the whole 'hotel... but on the water' confusion?"

I immediately shut the tv off, which was probably worse, because it resembled one of those flashes that become ingrained in your brain. 

Kid C: "Was that a naked woman?"

me: "No! It was a... boat. You saw a naked woman? That's weird."

Yes, I like to take the coward's way out.