One Last thing I'm Thankful For... And Compiling a Holiday Book List

Hey y'all. Happy December.

Kid C had an assignment to write one thing he's thankful for, inside a drawing of a candy corn.  Here's what he turned in:

I'm kind of proud of him, because I've always told him to "Think outside the candy corn."

My favorites:

the unavers and space (the universe and space)

a home and corn and tirky and a god and chikin and food

and pincek (pancake)

And for the big finish in the lower right had corner....

the world and pets and peple and Ham

In that order. 

The thing I learned from this (besides someone needs to work on his spelling) is that even if a kid can't speak at age five, you may reach a point at age seven where you can't shut him up. For that, I'm grateful.

As the holiday season begins, may we all think outside the candy corn.

Before I go, (I'm at my computer, I'm not really going anywhere) let's think of good books for people to buy as presents this month.

I'll go first:
Sweethearts by Sara Zarr. 

I just read this yesterday, for the first time, in two sittings. Loved it.

Now, your turn. (Or you can leave a comment and just say hi.)

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Thanksgiving at the Ranch, with 25 nieces and nephews. That's not a typo.

I come from a small family. Two parents and one sister. I married a guy who is the youngest of six children, each of whom has from 3 to 8 kids. 

So, my Thanksgiving dinners went from nice, quiet affairs to this:

Yep, that is what 16 adults and 25 children looks like. (Okay, not all of them are pictured, but you get the idea.)

I'm in the upper right hand corner, with my arms folded. You can see I wore my nice sweats for the occasion. (The one with the pink shell strategically placed over my left... um... sister.) Because at Thanksgiving, I'm grateful for pants that give a little.

How, you ask, do we fit inside one house? The answer is, we don't. We all drive to the family ranch in central Utah. 

Okay, I did not take this picture. If I had, the lake would be ice, and it would look like it was 15 degrees outside. 

Here's one Sam took:

  

 

Can you tell how cold it was? Just spit at that picture, and you will see the spittle freeze on your computer screen.*

*The above statement is not FDA approved. Please do not send me bills to replace your computer screen

Kid B and Kid C love it here. They get to ride horses:

They get to laugh at their mom, whose saddle lurched to one side when she hoisted herself up on the horse. 

The saddle was loose! I swear! Stop looking at my butt!

And then, when we're bored, we get to shove our kids into a hole in a rock. (Thus, the origin of the phrase: "Why don't you just shove it in a hole in the rock!")

They got stuck there. Between a rock and a hard place. (Which happened to be another rock). 

The boys are still there. We told them Santa Claus will first appear at that rock, and if they're not there, Santa won't go to any houses, and there will be no Christmas. Don't worry, we left food and water.

How was all y'all's Thanksgiving? Anything discover really random things you're thankful for? 

For instance: I was Thankful for Kraft Roka Blue cheese spread for my famous cheese ball. I didn't know how thankful until they stopped producing it. Stupid Kraft. I always knew I shouldn't trust anyone who spells Craft wrong.

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I would like to thank...

my Family... who understands the mania of living with a writer, and still loves me

A dad... who is going all Chuck Norris on Pancreatic Cancer's arse

Friends... Who know when to come by with emergency Diet Coke, and then know when to stay far away

Blog readers (yes, YOU)... who brighten my day, and without whom my blog would just be a burp in the wind, only not as magical

A critique group... who have to wade through hundreds of crappy first drafts before they get to anything good

An agent... who's one part teddy bear, one part ninja, a dash of therapist, and a cup of cheerleader (mix together and bake at 350)

An editor... who quizzes me on the world I've created, and therefore makes the book better

A mom... who doesn't flinch when our budget's tight and I need a loan

A sister... who can't help introducing me as "the Next Stephenie Meyer", even though I punch her in the arm, because let's be honest, nobody's the next Stephenie Meyer

Two boys... Who still have no idea why I'm at the computer all day

A hubs... who... who... yeah. No words. Sorry Sam.

Feel free to add your own list. Love to you all! Happy Thanksgiving!

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Life at the Ranch is Hard. Sometimes Puppies Die. *Added: But no Puppies Die in this Post!

Howdy y'all!

Welcome back. Anyone else so excited school resumes today?

Life on a Ranch is Hard

We went down to Sam's Uncle's ranch in central Utah for Thanksgiving. It's difficult to describe the ranch, because in the middle of this stark rugged terrain is a little oasis with three ranch houses, a shooting range, wine-fry (wi-fi), satellite television and warm water. Ranch Life is Hard. Everyone kept reminding me of this fact over and over. And over:

We have to hand mash the potatoes...
We have to restore the art on the Indian Art Rock. (It's okay that we're messing with centuries-old artifacts... we totally know what we're doing with our crayons.)
There are grates on the ground to keep little boys out. (Kid B only fell through once.)
Every so often, you have to fight the urge to throw a little kid off the cliff...

If you wanna eat, you have to know how to handle a gun...
Here are the women, performing the most essential task for any Thanksgiving dinner... That's right. We're shooting the stuffing. (Stuffing doesn't usually put up much of a fight. But you should see the jello. Fast little sucker.)
After dinner, the natives come over to perform a traditional rain dance. (Who knew rain dances included karate kicks, and a background song of "Everybody was Kung Fu Fightin'?)
Since these girls kept accidentally aiming at Uncle Glendon during a gun lesson, he only allowed them to shoot with their fingers. He told them this was how the cowboys of yore did it.
Even newborn pups have it hard on the Ranch. Look closely at the picture below... Do you see the little white pup, closest to the dog's face? That little pup's neck was caught inside the steel ring of the collar on the mama dog. The poor thing was choking, and every time the mother turned her head, the pup would be whipped about.

So I totally freak out. The mother won't let us anywhere near her because she doesn't know us, so Bro-in-law Ed sends his two youngest daughters to get the rancher Adam.

(Here's Adam, thinking, "When are the city folk just gonna leave us in peace?")

The kids run off, and Ed's all, "He's dead. It's too late."

I'm all, "Don't say that! He's alive!"

The kids return with a message from Adam. He says: "Just turn him over."

Hunh? What kind of advice is that? (We found out later the girls told Adam, "There's a puppy on his back, and his legs are sticking up in the air." Which I guess would warrant the "Okay, so turn him over" advice.)

This time, Ed's clear. He tells the two girls to tell Adam to, "Get his butt over here."

The message takes a little longer to deliver, because the girls are unsure whether or not they can really say the word "butt" without repercussions, but finally Adam shows up and coaxes the dog out, and yanks the little puppy neck to freedom and saves the day. I later found out that upon hearing the news that the puppy neck was about to be snapped, the ranch hands sorta shrugged their shoulders and said, "Ranch life is hard."

Grrrr. I know this.

It's raise cattle, hunt for food, water-shortage, dry, dusty, dirty boogers, farmer blow tough. I know that sometimes the cattle leave, and they don't come back, and they're not going to a spa.

But come on! Does ranch life have to be "Newborn Puppy hanging by its neck, choking indefinitely, just needing a little nudge that nobody will give" hard?

Apparently yes. The mother promptly ate the baby. Punishment for getting its neck caught. Because ranch life is hard.
*Update: Just to be clear, the dog did NOT eat the puppy. This is how mothers transport their little ones. I promise.
Here's Adam right before he yanked Kid B off the horse by his leg and threw him across the arena. Because ranch life is hard.
I jest. There was no kid-throwing of any kind. The puppy lived to face another hard day on the ranch. My job was done. I tipped my hat to the ladies and sauntered off into the sunset.

So how was all y'all's Thanksgiving?

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FBF Winners, and my Thanksgiving Top Ten

Final Free Book Friday Winners:

Cath
Britt
Mary
Juliana
Lulabell

Congratulations! Rank your top five choices from the picture below and email me your address. (Email in the sidebar).

The contest will resume after the holidays, when I expect Santa will have brought me more money. (Wow, that sentence reeked of the Ghost of Past Present Participle).

Now for the quick post:

What I'm Thankful for, in Order from Most to Least Important. (Just kidding. No order.)

1. Health. Among other things, this includes myriad doctors and nurses, the Huntsman Cancer Institute, vaccines, medicine, and my Dad still going strong.

2. Metrosexual Hubby who's not afraid to do the laundry

3. Kid B, who's pretty sure he knows how to talk, it's just the people around him who don't know how to listen.

4. Kid C, who can negotiate the skin off a chihuahua.

5. Friends, who understand the madness that comes with writing, and hang with me anyway.

6. Writer Friends, who don't flinch when one of us says, "Then I had a breakdown." Because what writer doesn't have a breakdown? We're all, "That's not even worthy of setting down my hot chocolate."

7. Extended family, complete with nannies, readers, friends and kindred souls. (Wow. I'm getting sorta mushy.)

8. Parents, who raised me to believe most kids read Shakespeare for fun. (I'm thankful now, but man, growing up... )

9. Blog Readers, who keep coming back despite my stories of pus, abs, spiders and pee.

10. Blog Commenters, who give me something to look forward to every day.

So, what are y'all thankful for?

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