Free Book Friday: THE MAZE RUNNER... Calling all De-Lurkers. And non-De-lurkers too.

Happy Friday y'all!

The kids are out of school, though, so how happy could it really be? Ha ha.

1.  Many of you told me that after Wednesday's blog, you had my writer's block song stuck in your head. I apologize. The last thing you need in your head when you're trying to write, is my voice singing that lame song. I should know. My voice is in my head all the time, and I can't write a thing.

2. My friend Sara B. (#6 on the "Crazy" list) has started a blog. She promised she would start one if I would finish my darn book and send it to her, so I was all over that like gravy on chicken.

Anyway, Sara is very funny with a wry sense of humor, and in her latest entry, she explains why she was voted #6 crazy, and why people like me were voted #1. So stop by and say hi - and defend my honor - if you get a chance!

Also, did I mention my critique group is called "The Six"? Here we are:

The Six

Well, we are officially on Wikipedia! (Thanks to Wiki-fiend Ben. Please don't misread and think "wiki-friend"). Okay, maybe we're not officially on it yet, but very soon we will be. Especially after our Writer's Conference on a Cruise Ship. Emily Wing Smith, our cruise director is planning it.

Check out our entry here.

3. Lastly, and Most Importantly...

or is it Last and Most Important? (I think Stephen King would choose the latter, since he abhors -ly adverbs. Abhors them vehementally.)

Anywho, around the blogging world, it's "De-Lurk Week" or something to that effect. I totally want in on that action. So, in honor of De-Lurk Week, I am reconstituting Free Book Fridays!

(Reconstituting involves taking the shriveled old and decrepid FBF and putting it in a vat of water mixed with laundry detergent, and voila! Reconstituted FBF. I learned this on an episode of Bones.)

Up for grabs is an autographed copy of James Dashner's THE MAZE RUNNER

By the way, before you non-de-lurkers stop reading, know this: you can be entered too by answering the same questions, and then telling the de-lurkers how painless it is to de-lurk. How we are all very nice!

For Lurkers:

Answer any or all of the following questions.

For non-Lurkers:

Answer the questions, and give a shout out to the lurkers.

Questions:

1. Name, rank and serial number

2. How did you find the blog?

3. Do you know how to kill goldfish and make it look like an accident?

(Check out the new digs. This is getting ridiculous. They are eating me out of house and home.)

4. Do you write? Read? If so, what?

5. If a Priest, a Rabbi, and Ghandi walk into a bar, who's walking out?

6. Anything else you'd care to share? Anything on your mind? Anything you'd like to ask me?

As in the days of yore (last November), winners will be picked out of a hat by Smokey, our hairless cat.

Okay, folks, that's all. Please de-lurk so I don't look like a loser.

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I am Predictable... See? I knew I was Gonna Say That

I Guess I am Predictable

On my actual birthday:
I took some NyQuil and crashed at 4:30 p.m.

Again.

I convinced Sam to take me to The Melting Pot. Again.

I spent a buttload of money on books.

Again.

I joked that this year, I became one year younger.

Again.

I slept in for five days straight, claiming, "It's my birthday week."

Again.

I watched Kanye's blunder, and complained about "kids these days." Again.

Sam's also predictable, though. He forgot to give me my present on Friday. Then he forgot again on Saturday. Then he forgot again on Sunday. Now it's Monday... Still don't know what I got, but I refuse to remind him. I wonder if he'll read this post?

Speaking of overused cliches...

Here is the list of overused cliches provided by you lovely blog readers. It's time to behead them and pull their spines out.

Rest in Peace cliches:
1. red letter day
2. here today & gone tomorrow
3. it's all fun & games until someone looses an eye.
4. air quotes
5. Whatnot
6. like a thief in the night.
7. no brains, no headaches.
8. stick out like a sore thumb
9. easy as pie/piece of cake
10. when life throws you lemons...make lemonade
11. If I had a nickle for every time I wanted a raisin, I'd be rich!
12. Avoid like the plague.
13. It is just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man.
14. Sweating like a pig. (Pigs don't sweat!)

15. And my personal favorite, because I really don't think I've ever heard it before: "There's more than one way to kill a cat than choking it with butter." Cool. Thanks Becky.

16. I would like to add: "Put some elbow grease into it."
What the heck is "elbow grease"? If I could pick the least greasiest spot on my body, it would be my elbow. Sam says he loves elbow grease. It's great on panini's.

Thanks for entering the contest everyone. And to you de-lurkers, I think I love your presents most of all. Partly because Sam hasn't given me anything yet... (Did you know I have a follower, a girl in Australia, named "Brodie"? So cool.)

My mom even de-lurked. Which means she does read my blog.

Okay, okay. I actually had to go over to her house, pull up my blog on her laptop, and chase her through the kitchen until I finally cornered her and shoved the laptop in front of her.

But hey, she must've liked it. She left a comment.

Okay, okay. I typed the comment for her. Are there any therapists out there?

The winner will be picked on Wednesday by Smokey the Hairless Cat, as usual. (See? Predictable.)

One last birthday thingee:

My friend "Lucy" (one half of Lucy and Ethel) texted me on my birthday.

Text #1:
"Can Ethel and I take you to lunch or dinner for your bray if so when"

2 seconds later:
Text #2: "I mean beau"

Hey. We're old. We're not supposed to be able to text.

Seriously last birthday thingee:

I went to tip at my birthday breakfast, and there was a totally awesome message on the dollar bill: "For a good time, call ***-****. Ask for Dominic." I got all excited, thinking my birthday couldn't get any better, until I read the rest:
"Males only. :)"

Fine, Dominic. Whatev's. Coulda been great.

If you would like Dominic's number, let me know.

So, what's your vote? Do you think Sam will get the subtle hints from this post and give me my frakkin' present? He's even walking behind me right now, getting the kids ready for school. All he has to do is look at what I'm typing!

Nope. Walked right on by.

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Why I Don't Call Myself a Writer

The Pleasure was all Mine
Thanks to everyone who de-lurked Monday. It was very nice to meet you all. Sometimes I feel like I am typing into the big black void of computer wasteland, so it's good to know there are a few readers out there.

Everyone who commented yesterday is entered in the contest to win a free book of your choosing from Amazon. I may even draw three winners, depending on how Smokey the cat feels about it. (He is in charge of drawing names, of course).

Smokey's nannies are out of town this week, but hopefully I will have the winners by this friday.

Why I Call Myself a Typist, not a Writer
Unpublished writers often debate the best way to explain what it is we do. Do we call ourselves "writers" when we aren't getting paid for it?

To each his own, but for me, I call myself a "Typist". The reason for this is simple. Whenever I answer "What do you do?" with "I'm a writer", the following chains of conversation inevitably take place, and it makes me feel like a big doofus:

You’re a writer?
Yeah.
I could write a book. Quick way to make a buck, right?

You’re a writer?
Yeah.
Like that Potter guy?
Who?
The boy wizard.
No.

You write books?
Yeah. I try.
(In bad Yoda voice): Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try.
(Awkward pause)
Umm… thanks.

So, when does your book come out?
It’s a long process.
I’ve got a printer out back. Let’s get this thing going. Family discount.

You’re a writer? Have I heard of you?
Well, Aunt Meg, it’s me. Brodi. Joan’s daughter.
(Pause)
I think I’ve heard of you.
Only since, like, birth, and every subsequent Christmas Party.

You’re a writer?
Yeah.
I just read a book.
Which one?
Something about… oh, what was it?
Was it vampires in high school?
Yes. That was it. Did you write that?
No.

Aren’t all writers mad as snakes?
Yes.

You’re a writer?
Yeah.
Do you know Stephenie Meyer?
No.
But, you’re both writers and both Mormons.

You’re a writer?
Yeah.
No wonder your kids are so… unique.

Is your book out yet?
No.
Now is it out?
No.
Now is it out?
No.
Can you get me Stephenie Meyer’s autograph?
Um, sure. I mean, we're both Mormons, and we're both writers.

Finally, after learning my lesson, here’s my new answer:
So, Brodi, what do you do?
I’m a typer. I type. Like on a computer.
Ah. (Nods in approval) Yes. Good for you.

I won't be here Friday, because I'm flying to L.A. for the semi-annual SCBWI conference. (Which stands for: Writing a Bunch of Stuff for Kids and Teens Conference). I am way excited for this adventure. Anyone from L.A. area?

Sam will still post the winners of the de-lurking contest on Friday (if the planets align and Smokey works his magic). And then I'll try to post on Monday with all of the conference shenanigans.

Have a fantabular week, y'all.

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De-Lurking, My Favorite Vamps, and Your Chance to Win a Free Book

It's that time of the month again... Time to De-Lurk!

Any lurkers out there? If so, prepare to be outed. Welcome to the lurker Debutante Ball, where you may dress all in white and unleash yourself onto society by answering any, all, or none of the following questions:

1. What's your name?
2. Where are you from?
3. Favorite book or tv show?
4. Twizzlers or Red Vines?
5. Do you love Rafa as much as I do?
6. Thing that must go:
7. Age of first kiss:
8. Have you ever slapped someone in the face? I've always wanted to, in one of those dramatic moments, but I've never had the opportunity.
9. Have you seen Jacob's abs? If so, what do you think? Bree thinks he needs to pull up his pants.
10. Free question- anything you want to share! (PG rated please. I'm talking to you, Cam.)

Also, regular commentators, I expect you to answer some of these too. Because otherwise, when the lurkers chicken out (it's in their nature by very definition... they're lurkers), and nobody comments, I will feel like a loser. More so than usual.

Naming Lurker Names (because discomfort is sorta becoming a blog tradition around here): Suzie S. I know you're out there. And Cousin A, it doesn't count to "phone in" your comment.

Whew. I hate to have to get after y'all.

What's that you say? You need the proper motivation? How about, a free book of your choosing from Amazon. Taaa Daaa. Anyone who comments today gets entered in the drawing. We haven't done one of these in a bazillion years.

TRASHY MAG UPDATES (For those of you who would like to read them, but are too ashamed to admit it)

I don't know if you've heard, but vampires are sorta hot right now, a theme which coincides with today's Trashy Mag installment.

Entertainment Weekly is holding a contest (a bi-weekly event) to vote for the hottest vampire (sure to be Edward) in the history of the world (the past two years, really).

Also gracing the cover, looking definitely deader and fangy-er than Edward, is Bill from True Blood.

Okay, they're both hot. Whatev's. But if I was really going for all-time faves, like from the 1900's and beyond, my personal list would start with...

1. ANGEL
Vampire, cursed with a soul? Conflicted? Doesn't sparkle in the daylight? Ahhhhhh.

Angel: Sparkles are for Sissies... He Buuurrrrnnnnnsss.

2. SPIKE
Original Bad-Arse Vamp. Started out very bad. Ended up semi-bad. Always hot, especially with the accent.

Spike, you are missed.

Spike: So good when you're bad. Even better when your good.

3. ERIC
I in no way endorse the show he's on, because we are a PG rated blog. (Okay, PG-13, but mostly because of you racy commentators...) And I absolutely do not recall watching the show, or if he's even on a show. (How's that for plausible deniability?)

But, Eric. I love to hate him. He puts the "man" in "Norsman". Okay, I don't really know what that means... but I often lose track of logic when I'm staring at his picture:

(Don't worry. It's fruit punch)
Eric: As they say in your homeland, "Eg elskar deg"
Do you love me too?

4. NOSFERATU
Because if you know me, then you know any vampire list has to include good ole Nosferatu. To remind us that vampires were not always considered hot.

Nosferatu: UnDead... and UnHot... and possibly Crippled

So, who would make your supernatural list?

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