LOST, explained in Limericks. (For both fans, and non-fans)

Happy Monday y'all. 

The Winner of Sydney Salter's Jungle Crossing is...

californiameaghan

Congratulations! Email me your address at brosam (at) gmail (dot) com

As most of you know, I am a geek at heart, so my weekend was centered around the LOST Series Finale. Don't worry if you haven't ever watched an episode. I have crafted a guide, in the form of Limericks, to tell you everything you need to know about the show.

I really need you non-fans to tell me if my Limericks make it all clear. 

So, without further adieu (what is a further adieu anyway?) I present...

THE LOST LIMERICKS! (For both fans and non-fans.)

There once was an island from nowhere

'Twas magic, so no compass could show where.

It summoned a bunch of strangers

who faced many dangers

When their plane exploded out of the cold air

(Jack)

There once was a doctor named Jack

whose drunken antics in the O-R garnered flack

Redemption seemed lost,

Til the island's path he crossed

Giving him the chance to defeat the man in black.

(Kate)

There once was an outlaw named Kate

who blew up the stepdad she hate.... ed

a fugitive on the run

til she crashlanded in the island sun

And had to decide whether Sawyer or Jack was her fate. 

(Sawyer)

There once was a scam man named Sawyer

Whose way with nicknames couldn't be coyer

He changed his rebel ways

When Juliet set his heart ablaze,

But he was shattered when a large bomb destroyed her.

(Locke)

There once was a cripple named Locke

Who's sudden ability to walk caused a shock

A man of faith and hope

Until Ben killed him with a rope

And he became the meanest Smoke Monster on the Block

(Hurley)

There once was a rich man named Hurley

Who, despite island diet and exercise, remained burly.

He communed with the dead

Went nuts in the head

He guarded the light and kept his hair curly.

There once was a war between the man in black and the man in white,

whose battlefield was this island that remained out of sight.

These stranded strangers fought back,

as time and space got out of whack,

and in the end... um, in the end... they ended up sitting in a church. Naturally.

 

Of course that's where they'd end up. I mean, what did you think was going to happen? They'd escape off the island and live happily ever after? Bah! I totally saw that coming. All seasons pointed to them one day sitting in pews in an empty church. Derh.

Anyone else see it? What did you think? And for you non-fans, if you didn't see it, did my limericks help you feel caught up?

moreless

Sam's a Greater Man Than I... and He's Conspiring Against Me.

How about some very important status updates?

Solitaire games played: 520
Win percentage: 15.3%

WHAT I LEARNED FROM SAM'S POST

There seem to be two camps of people:
1. Those who think I should have noticed the $282 total charge for one book.
2. Those who think Sam shouldn't have left the stupid doorknobs in his virtual basket in the first place.

So, which camp are you? You can tell me. I won't hold it against you. It's not like I know where you live. Or do I?

Sam is much more magnanimous than I am. What he calls my "adventurous spirit", I refer to as "attention deficit disorder."

He'll often say to me, "Honey, if I die first, I just want you to be happy. If you find someone who makes you happy, get married."

me: "Thank you. And if I die first..."

sam: "Yes?"

me: "I want you to follow soon after."

sam: "But what about the kids?"

me: "If they're over 18, with good prospects, then follow me."

sam: "What if they're still little?"

me: "Stay and raise them until they are viable. Then hit the gas pedal and head for a cliff."

sam: "Wouldn't you want them to have a mom?"

me: "Nope. They've got my mom, your mom, and my sister. That's enough mom for anyone. And trust me, if you feel tempted to find someone else, I shall haunt her all of her living days."

sam: "You don't believe in ghosts."

me: "I'll find a way."

So, yeah, there is a total double standard. And you ladies who were waiting for your chance with Sam? Consider this a threat.

THE MOCHA HONEY

Speaking of double standards, my lovuhh Rafa will be playing in the French Open starting next week. (It's a double standard because Sam would never be allowed to call someone his "lovuhh". Except Rebecca DeMornay. He's always had a thing for her, and I don't really mind because she's not so much this...

she's more this...

And that's not to say she's not beautiful or anything, because I'd give up a lot to look as good as she does, but still... Sam is welcome to date her. Magnanimous, right?)
Anyway, back to Rafa. The French Open is played on clay courts, and Rafa was born on a clay court. (I think that's actually true.) So tune in when you get a chance.

LOST SEASON FINALE

Holy Brain-blower Batman. Does anyone else feel like the creators of Lost have crossed the streams, causing total protonic reversal? (Can anyone name the movie?)
I won't ruin anything for those of you who haven't seen the finale, but I will say I bet you a meeelion dollars the writers are just as confused as we are. Only they've taken it so far, there's no way we can prove it.

Oh, and detonating a hydrogen bomb should never be a "go-to" plan of action. Just as a general rule.

CAFFEINE UPDATE
So, the key to quitting caffeine is not blogging about it. I haven't quit cold turkey, but I've significantly reduced my caffeine footprint.

The problem is, last night when I had my first Diet Coke in a long time, I went crazy. Like, in the literal sense. I started accusing Sam of "conspiring" against me. Who says stuff like that?

But I was so enthralled with the word "conspiring", I couldn't stop myself. Normally, I would never act like that, so I can only assume it has something to do with caffeine. Perhaps I shouldn't have quit?

Sam is one confused unhip white dude today.

moreless