Hey y'all. So, this isn't exactly a revision tip, but it has to do with after the revision. I have prepared a multiple choice test for you, to see how ready you are to deal with an agent who gives you revision assignments. If you find yourself stumped, think "W-W-B-D: What Would Brodi Do" and then do something else. Anything else.
*Yes, these are real life examples
**Yes, Michael Bourret is a patient man/agent.
Before you've signed with an agent...
When your potential favorite agent schedules a phone call (you know... THE OFFER CALL), you:
a. Answer the phone after the first ring
b. Answer the phone before it even rings
c. Don't answer the first time. Blow dry your hair instead. It's okay to play hard-to-get; Agents like that. They like to have to work hard to contact you. This lets the agent know you will be hard to contact in the future. (Which, as you'll read below, is totally true)
Answer: A. or B. Not C, because that's what I did.
When you decide to accept said agent's offer, you:
a. Call him to let him know.
b. Send one email, thanking him for his offer, and accepting it.
c. Send two emails: one thanking him for his offer and accepting it, the next one freaking out that maybe he really wasn't offering you representation, and the OFFER CALL was really just a chat (because agents like to call writers, just to chat, even if they don't like your work) and you misunderstood the entire thing, and if that's the case, he should disregard the first email, because no matter what happens, you don't want to look stupid.
Answer: A. or B. Not C, because that's what I did.
When your revisions are due, you:
a. Send in the correct revised version
b. Ask for an extension
c. Send in the old version, tell him it's the revised version... and it's totally not okay because he's gonna re-read the entire thing because the most noticeable change comes at the end. So yeah, he wasted his time re-reading the exact same manuscript in its entirety before he realized, "hey, nothing's different."
Answer: A. or even B's okay. Not C, because that's what I did.
When you have to reschedule the revision phone call, because the agent has to have some extra time to read the actual revised version, you:
a. Set up a time convenient for both you and your agent.
b. Make sure your phone is charged.
c. Find the most remote island in the Pacific Northwest, where the hotelier looks at you like you're insane when you have the nerve to ask, "Do you get cell reception here?" and then promptly go to that island to await the call.
Answer: A. or B. Not C, because that's what I did.
When you send an email to your agent, asking him to call you at your hotel instead of your cell phone (because it's totally believable you're the one person in the continental U.S. who can't get reception), you:
a. Call him instead, because that would be easiest.
b. Send him the number to the hotel, with your room number, and ask him to call you.
c. Send him the wrong number to the hotel, with no instructions how to reach your room, and ask him to figure it out. Because it's good form to test your agent's resourcefulness, and you always want to start out your phone calls with the agent saying these words: "In the future, if you have to give this hotel number to others, here's the correct number..."
Answer: A. or B. Not C, because that's what I did.
When you're up late at night, and the self-doubt creeps in, you:
a. Discuss it with your significant other, because he/she can't leave you, because he/she knew what he/she was getting into when he/she got involved with you.
b. Take an extra sleeping pill, and tell yourself it's best to sleep on it. You'll have your wits about you in the morning.
c. Compose a crazy a** email that showcases your neuroses, because hey, you do your best writing at midnight. Address said email to your agent, with the subject line: "Aaaaaaaccccckkkkkk!"
You can probably guess which one I chose, prompting me to make myself one of these:
Six days without incident and counting...
So, how did y'all do on the quiz? At least you can comfort yourself with the knowledge that there's always someone out there who did it crazier than you. I, unfortunately, can take no such comfort.
