Why I Hate Halloween, and My New Name for this Holiday

First off, the winner of the signed ARC of EVERNEATH is...

DenverSims! 

The winner was chosen using Random.Org:

Congratulations DenverSims! Please email me your mailing address: brodiashton at gmail dot com

On to the post! 

Today is Halloween. 

I hate Halloween. 

HATE IT!

The extreme hate started four years ago, when my dad was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer ON HALLOWEEN. 

That night, we digested the news, and despite my positive attitude, I couldn't help but wonder if that Halloween would be his last. If you asked the doctors, it was. Metastatic Pancreatic Cancer comes with a ticking clock: six months. 

But the next Halloween, after an extensive surgery, he was still here. And then the doctors gave us another number: 6 months to a year.

And on the third Halloween, he was still here.I had to wonder if the doctors owned calendars.

Last January, he was given another number: 6 to 10 months. What is it with doctors and their nice round numbers? How come it's never 7  to 11 months?  

Anywho, today is the fourth Halloween since we heard the news. And he's still here. And he's not going anywhere.

So, instead of Happy Halloween, I prefer to think of today as HAPPY "TAKE-THOSE-NUMBERS-AND-SUCK-IT, DOC" DAY!

Not sure it has the same ring as Happy Halloween, but I think with enough practice it will catch on. Plus, it involves fun hand gestures!

My mom and dad a few weeks ago. My dad gained five pounds. Check out his muffin top!

And a HAPPY "SUCK IT, DOCTOR" DAY to you. Here's to you and whoever you'd like to say "SUCK IT" to!

Side note: I think that's the most I've ever used the phrase "suck it" in one post. I hope I didn't offend anyone.

Yesterday, after Kid C said a prayer and asked God to take away Grandpa's cancer, he said, "Grandma, what's the opposite of cancer?"

She looked at him like it was the most reasonable question ever, and said, "Cure. Cure is the opposite of cancer."

Here's to finding the opposite of cancer.  

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Why I Hate Halloween... And the Art of Yoda

It's November. Thank Heavens.

So, a lot of you know my dad is battling Pancreatic Cancer. (Yeah, it's the really crappy kind. Like if Lord of the Rings was about Cancer, Pancreatic would be Sauron. Or Saruman. Which one is the big red burning eye?)

(My Dad's on the left)

Anywho, he was diagnosed exactly 3 years ago on Halloween. Yeah, that Halloween really sucked. We found out after we'd already dressed up in our costumes, so I remember that year as a bunch of people in costumes, sitting on my sister's porch, balling our guts out. Even the clown was crying. 

My Dad is currently beating the disease, but every few months the doctors test his blood for signs of recurrence. Last Halloween, we had a scare. Again, it was the costumes and the crying. This Halloween, we had another scare. And again, the costumes and the crying. 

Halloween has become this day where we're dressing our kids up as ghosts and ghouls, all the while crying about the really scary things in life.

Thankfully, we just found out his tumor marker went back down again. I don't know what it is about Halloween that makes his blood go all wonky, but it's getting to the point where I just want to skip October completely. 

Since that's not possible, here are some pics from our Halloween. Really, we were mostly happy!

 Who knew Darth Vader could look so harmless?

 

 Yep. It's Kid B behind the mask. And let me tell you, there's nothing more fun than a Halloween Parade at a school where most of the kids don't like things touching their skin...

 

 The formidable duo of Kid C and Kid B. Tell me that wouldn't scare you to open your door to find these two on your front porch, demanding candy.

 

This is my nephew A on the right and his friend F. I had to take this pic because Kid C kept trying to describe F's costume:

Kid C: "He's a chicken. With magnets."

me: "What?"

Kid C (exasperated): "A Chicken! He's a magnetic Chicken!!"

So, when I finally saw the costume, it all made sense.

The trick-or-treating gang. My favorite is the Grim Reaper, standing off to the side, contemplating the best way to decapitate the group with one swing of his scythe. 

It also reminds me of a joke: "Okay, so Mario, Luigi, Darth Vader, a couple of ninjas and the Grim Reaper all walk into a bar..."

While we were waiting for Kid B's parade to start, Kid C sat in the middle of the floor, breathing in an out loudly through his nose. 

He said he was doing Yoda to calm himself.

His teacher's from India, and she teaches them the Yoda from her home country. 

 How was all y'all's Halloween? Do you have the same traditions as we do? i.e., Do you sit around on a random porch, all dressed up and balling your guts out?

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Free Book Friday, and My Dad's War on Pancreatic Cancer

I love Everyone!

It's Free Book Friday. Find out at bottom how to enter.

1. Team Tamale Update:

Goal: 25,000 words in 14 days

Progress after 2 days: 4,000 words

21,000 more to go. Kapow.

Team Gluten-Intolerant is kicking butt as well, although she did waste three words doing this:
Go Bree Despain, and Team Gluten-Intolerant!

2. Pancreatic Cancer Update

I hate Halloween.

I've probably mentioned this, but 2 years ago, doctors discovered a tumor in my dad's pancreas on Halloween night. Cancer. Anyone know the numbers they throw at you once you've been diagnosed with pancreatic Cancer? It's not a pretty cancer. (As opposed to those beautiful cancers that look like fractals).

But a rock star doctor up at Huntsman Cancer Institute performed a complicated surgery called the Whipple, where they basically took out half of every organ. (The Whipple sounds too pansy. I since renamed the surgery: THE BEASTMASTER or THE VORTEX OF FIRE )

(Sis Erin, Dad, Me up at Huntsman Cancer Institute)

Anywho, against all sorts of odds, he's made it to the two year mark. Every three months, he gets his blood tested for the CA 19-9 protein... AKA "Tumor Marker". So every three months, the specter of cancer hangs over our beds, threatening our sleep, our sanity. We're always just one blood test away from life-changing.

For a year, the tests came back normal.

Then three weeks ago, the test showed an increase in the dreaded Tumor Marker. (Remember that one Friday, three weeks ago, where it took me forever to answer comments? Wait, what am I asking...? that my blog readers remember posts from three weeks ago? Seriously, get over myself!)

I probably don't need to tell you that once the cancer comes back... it ain't good. But I guess I did just tell you.

Sorry. Rambling.

Moving on, they decided to wait three weeks and then repeat the blood test.The day before Halloween. The dreaded Halloween results. Again. ARGH.

Last night, the results showed that we're still in the game! Tumor Marker came down! If the cancer was back, you'd expect it to go up steadily. It came down to funky town.

*Punches fist in the air- imagining she looks like Bruce Lee, but admitting she probably looks more like Cloris Leachman reaching for her next drink...*

So, I had to resurrect one of my favorite videos. The video shows two cats reenacting my Dad's battle with Pancreatic Cancer. My dad is the orange cat. Pancreatic Cancer is the black cat.



Funny cat fight - Watch more Funny Videos

3. My kids went to a Halloween party the other night, where they won three goldfish. Real, live, actual goldfish.

(Kid C as the Grim Reaper. Kid B as Winnie the Pooh. Sorta looks like the Grim Reaper is about to capture the Pooh, doesn't it?)

The goldfish came in little plastic ziplock baggies, and every time I tried to grab hold of Kid B's bag, he'd step back and shake the bag at me in a very threatening gesture. I'd say, "Be soft," and he'd start sqeezing the bag. I shadowed him all night, trying to keep that stupid goldfish alive.

He even ate while holding onto the bag. At one point, he reached for a donut and forgot he was holding the fish, and the bag went splatting to the ground.

Against all odds, all three fish are alive and swimming around my mixing bowl.

My Dad. My Goldfish. Despite the numbers, everyone's alive!

On a related note... anyone know how to kill goldfish and make it look like an accident?

Free Book Friday
To enter, leave me a comment and shout a big giant woo hoo for my dad! Those of you who left a comment on Bree's blog per Monday's request are already entered, but give me a woo hoo anyway.

Happy Halloween. What are y'all going as?

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