Random Musings of the #1 Crazy...
Infomercial Results vs. Costly Results
I have about an inch of dead skin on my feet, and so I have longed for a solution. Enter: the Ped Egg.
Oh Ped-Egg; you had me at "Pile of dead skin gets trapped inside the egg!"
Survey Says: Success! After about an hour of sitting on my front lawn scraping my feet (despite it's claim that it traps the shavings, um... it doesn't) the soles are really quite stunning.
The neighbors, however, are slightly grossed out.
Teeth Whitening:
Remember my track record with trying to whiten my teeth? Well, yesterday, I decided to go with the "UV, X-Ray Solar Beams of Hades teeth whitening thingee" that uses the lights. It sorta looks like this:
They're guaranteed to be whiter after two sessions. After four 10 minute sessions, the assistant looked at my teeth and said a very reassuring, "Um... How about you come here tomorrow for a free fifth session?"
It's okay, though, because instead of white teeth, I now have a searing pain that feels like my actual teeth have been injected with acid, and are slowly disintegrating from the inside out. Seriously, it's like my teeth have developed an allergy to air or something.
Sam asked me a question last night, and I would have yelled at him for tempting me to expose my teeth to air, but I didn't dare open my mouth. So I used my eyebrows to send him a morse code message: "The next time you desire conversation with me, please feel free to pull all of my teeth out and use them to bite your own arm."
What's the use of whitening teeth if you don't have the strength to smile? And just what is that UV light composed of? A hydrogen bomb? Laser beams from the evil planet Zylork?
I have my fifth session this morning, where I plan on sucking the bleaching gel into the back of my throat, and then hocking a logie in the chick's eye.
On my new favorite show Bones, there was a bomb comprised of incisors. Where does one donate to such a bomb?
I was going to tell you more about the Writer's Retreat, but it looks like I have no time. I'll save it for Friday.
Happy Wednesday, y'all.
Infomercial Results vs. Costly Results
I have about an inch of dead skin on my feet, and so I have longed for a solution. Enter: the Ped Egg.
Oh Ped-Egg; you had me at "Pile of dead skin gets trapped inside the egg!"
Survey Says: Success! After about an hour of sitting on my front lawn scraping my feet (despite it's claim that it traps the shavings, um... it doesn't) the soles are really quite stunning.
The neighbors, however, are slightly grossed out.
Teeth Whitening:
Remember my track record with trying to whiten my teeth? Well, yesterday, I decided to go with the "UV, X-Ray Solar Beams of Hades teeth whitening thingee" that uses the lights. It sorta looks like this:
They're guaranteed to be whiter after two sessions. After four 10 minute sessions, the assistant looked at my teeth and said a very reassuring, "Um... How about you come here tomorrow for a free fifth session?"
It's okay, though, because instead of white teeth, I now have a searing pain that feels like my actual teeth have been injected with acid, and are slowly disintegrating from the inside out. Seriously, it's like my teeth have developed an allergy to air or something.
Sam asked me a question last night, and I would have yelled at him for tempting me to expose my teeth to air, but I didn't dare open my mouth. So I used my eyebrows to send him a morse code message: "The next time you desire conversation with me, please feel free to pull all of my teeth out and use them to bite your own arm."
What's the use of whitening teeth if you don't have the strength to smile? And just what is that UV light composed of? A hydrogen bomb? Laser beams from the evil planet Zylork?
I have my fifth session this morning, where I plan on sucking the bleaching gel into the back of my throat, and then hocking a logie in the chick's eye.
On my new favorite show Bones, there was a bomb comprised of incisors. Where does one donate to such a bomb?
I was going to tell you more about the Writer's Retreat, but it looks like I have no time. I'll save it for Friday.
Happy Wednesday, y'all.
